This is the part of the pandemic when we all sigh. . .

It's standardized test time. It's do we or don't we bring students back to in-person school time. It's tax time. It's do we send students to summer school time. It's do we give final exams time. It's how should we spend Rescue Act money time. But, to be perfectly honest, I have opinion fatigue. I'm doing a lot of sighing.

Sit tight. I don't mean what you might think I mean.

I'm not fatigued of YOUR opinion. I'm still listening and absorbing, taking notes, and advocating.

Nope. I'm fatigued of giving my own opinions.

Now, anyone who knows me will see the problem with this. I give opinions on EVERYTHING as it relates to education. I have all kinds of popular ones, and quite a few that ruffle feathers. If you want to see people squirm, tell them that homework is socially and economically biased, and should be eliminated. Or, mention that we should allow students to continue to work on skills WITHOUT PENALTY of a failing grade (ahem... that means unlimited retakes for FULL CREDIT).

I have plenty of opinions.

Yet, here I am. Opinion fatigued. Sighing.

I think what it comes down to is this: there are no easy answers right now, and it is not culturally or socially acceptable to have complicated opinions. Trauma shortens our attention spans, which were already slipping. And, yet, right now, ALL of my opinions are complicated, requiring rambling answers and too many examples and explanations.

For instance, take my stance on homework. I can't, because my students are hybrid and only attending in-person two days a week, eliminate homework. I want to, but there is no time to keep students moving in the right direction in the 84 total minutes I see them in person each week. So, I still don't believe in homework. I still think it should be eliminated. I feel like a hypocrite for giving homework, knowing full well that there is a percentage who will do well because of their privilege alone, another portion who will not do it at all, simply as a result of life circumstances that are not in their control. In a pandemic, is all work done at home, homework? (Yes, by the way) But, it's complicated.

Obviously, I still believe in retakes and scaffolded learning that truly is a safety net for those who take a little longer. Yet, here I am, trying to juggle this type of remediation while also moving students forward. How long can I spend on one skill--when time is so precious--without sacrificing another skill that I feel I have to teach too quickly in the first place?

Phew. And there it is. The moment in my opinion sharing when I just let out a huge sigh and shake my head.

It's complicated. All of it is.

And, it has exhausted me and fellow teachers everywhere. We are trying so hard to do what we are required to do--some of it against our own beliefs about how kiddos learn, while trying to keep the integrity of our classroom communities, and have patience with kiddos in trauma, as well as parents who are definitely at the sighing stage themselves.

As a parent, I hate school right now. My own children's teachers are trying their best right now, and it still isn't enough. Nothing is enough to be the panacea for a pandemic, an economic downturn, a society whose moral and ethical barometer seems to continually be out of balance. Nothing is enough to heal the isolation, the profound losses of so many coming of age activities. Teachers are doing their best, and it is not enough. How could it be? Teachers are trying so hard, as we always do, to bear the burdens of society, but this time it is more than we can do alone.

These are not ordinary times. This is not ordinary school.

So, in light of this, my opinions are complicated. I don't want to explain any more, nor do I want to try to sway others whose situations are equally complicated.

Instead, maybe let's just talk sometimes. Let's just listen to each other ramble on. Let's allow space for complicated answers, but don't always demand the full explanation.

Let's just agree that we are at the part in the pandemic when we are all sighing.

But, have you noticed after sighing that we have a moment of relief, or at least a change of state? We sometimes laugh. We sometimes cry. We sometimes just move on to whatever else is pulling at our attention.

Let's just agree that this is the part of the pandemic when it is ok to sigh. Ok? (sigh)

There's nothing standard about this. . .

I'm not a standardized test fan for a whole bunch of reasons, but to suggest that this school year we NEED standardized test to measure "where our students are" is insane.

Where are our students? In a pandemic is where they are, right along with their teachers who are pivoting, redesigning, and differentiating to make lessons work. Right along with their families who rely on their 10th grader to get their 7th grader on all their Google Meets or are losing shifts at work to deal with remote schooling. Right along with administrators who are trying to keep their teachers and students safe while maintaining programs to feed the families in their community, provide internet connections, and keep Covid at bay. Right along with all of us who have been touched personally by this virus. We know where our students are.

I can speak to the wide variety of circumstances I know about with my own students; however, these tests are statewide. Buffalo City Schools are going back in person today, in a very limited manner, for the first time. How would it be fair to compare the experience of those students against others who've been able to return to school for at least some in-person learning? I'm not knocking virtual learning, and I even believe that for some it is compatible with how they learn; on the other hand, where is their parity for those who stayed home with a parent or caretaker sitting next to them helping them vs. the kiddos who were navigating online learning like an 11 year old forced to be a college student when they were home alone?

Luckily, there is hope that this year we will not engage in futile testing when there are so many other, bigger needs (social and emotional support, routine, relationships, to name a few). I'm very excited that NYSED and NYSUT are lobbying to get a waiver from testing this year. PLEASE make it a priority to speak up about this important issue. It only takes a minute! Here's the link: http://www.nysed.gov/essa/accountability-and-assessment-waivers-public-comment?fbclid=IwAR2Q9AM73k8hHHNzmP7P_XRIUl7K0a5RIUtMy8OdQ2dT5zLIsyC6GvNymBA

"Ketchup Day" (a small, manageable rant)

Monday, I cancelled a meeting. Tuesday, we ordered take-out. Wednesday I worked 11 hours without leaving my school building, barely saw my kids, and fell asleep on the couch, exhausted and body-shaming myself because somehow I'd also eaten take-out for lunch and dinner. Today, my students are having a "ketchup day" (from the AMAZING facebook group, Bitmoji Craze). Why? I'm giving them a "ketchup day" to do all the things that may have fell through the cracks. They don't get to cancel something that they miss. They don't get to decide the rhythm of their days, and they aren't eating well either. Or sleeping enough. And, they are teenagers, so they are probably body shaming too. I'm feeling for my struggling middle school students, perhaps now more than ever (and I always have a soft spot).

The incredible challenge for students to organize all of the information that is being hurled at them by well-meaning teachers (me included) can be crippling. Students don't know how to turn off Goggle Classroom notifications, so my daughter has thousands of emails. Some teachers have due dates and others are more fluid in their expectations. That's great (I'm all for flexibility), but there are some students who get lost in the ebb and flow of the changing expectations.

Other students are dealing with even more complex issues. Spotty internet (if they have it at all). I know some kiddos in my neighborhood use the Tim Horton's wifi. Parents out of work. Sick relatives. Kiddos who have Covid who are afraid to tell people because they are embarrassed. Kiddos with mental health issues who have lost access to their counseling and supportive adults at school.

So, my rant is this: if you haven't canceled a meeting, missed something you needed to do, eaten poorly, felt badly about yourself for some reason or other, let your house get out-of-control messy, or dropped the ball, then I commend you. Please, by all means, teach these chaotic, messy, developing and overwhelmed students some tips to help them keep all the balls in the air. However, if you are more like most people I know, extend grace to your students, and importantly, yourselves.

They probably won't know how to thank you correctly, as this is all strange to them too. They might grumble and complain as some of my students did today when I simply emailed them their test and said it had to be done right now. They might roll their eyes. But, they might feel their load lightened just a bit when a caring adult steps in and helps them juggle it all. Let them know that it isn't just them. We are all having missteps and dropped balls, less than stellar days, and dashed hopes. When we recognize this pandemic for the traumatic event that it is, I hope we are able to forgive ourselves and students for being less than our best.

A long time ago, a therapist told me, "It is perfectly normal to feel irrational if there is an irrational situation. It is only when your house is burning down and you act like nothing is happening that we should be concerned." Just a thought: some days lately, it feels like the house is on fire and we insist on doing the dishes.

Manageable rant over. Carry on :)